


Pretend You Can't Stay

by MountainMew



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-27 10:59:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6281986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainMew/pseuds/MountainMew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Don't) Be a Hero</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend You Can't Stay

**Author's Note:**

> What's good, EnStars fandom it's me again back to ruin everything you love and write dialogue like, "I love you bro," because I hate honorifics.  
> Y'all, I've wanted to write mikanazu from day one, but it's honestly for the best I waited for an event to happen before doing so. My assumptions about Mika, while right in many ways, were WAYYYYY OFF in others. Mika is a sweeter boy than I could have ever anticipated, but I'm sad I haven't heard him say a god damn thing about horror. He likes cute things and scary things, where’s my horror references! Please hire me to write EnStars bc if you’ve read my twitter I have the greatest log of cute horror game related pick up lines! I REALLY HOPE MIKA HAS A DOG NAMED HEWIE!!!!!!!! HE WOULD!!!!!!!!

  “It’s a really nice day today, big bro. _Ah~_ I feel so refreshed, don’tya feel it? Do ya wanna go out for a bit?”  
  Nazuna’s gotten a knack for counting tiles on the floor. Nobody really mentions anymore, how pale he’s getting, though Mika asks more than twice a day if he’s eating. Frankly, he’s lucky to get more than one or two responses a day out of his elder, but he asks a lot of dummy questions anyway.  
  “We can stay inside, too. Do y’wanna play a game? I got some movies, too, y’know? Yer never payin’ any attention when I show you a good’un, though?”  
  Nazuna looks at him through the corner of his eyes. Actually, it might be more akin to a glare, something that throws Mika off guard for a moment or two before Nazuna looks away.  
  “Okay,” he says.  
  _Okay t’what?_ Mika didn’t get a chance to ask, and even if he did he doesn’t know for sure that Nazuna would answer honestly. He’s standing, of his own volition, so it’s a safe assumption where they’re ending up. Mika smiles, practically sprinting for the door already anxious to desert the suffocatingly gloomy air trapped behind building walls. Mika might be a bit claustrophobic, but he never mentions it much. It still beats a crowd, still beats that gnawing sensation of social ineptitude their entire unit protrudes.  
  More often than not, Nazuna’s eyes are glued to the floor, almost in a perpetual state of bowing. Mika hasn’t said much about it in a while, oddly too self aware to say anything that’ll chase the guy away.  
  Grass is a little too rough, desperately in need of a trim. Mika thinks the same about Nazuna’s hair, reaching a little too low than a boy’s hair ought to. He wonders if it would smell just as nice as a fresh cut lawn, stretching his hand from behind to watch Nazuna’s hair flow like beach sand back to the earth. Nazuna flinches the first time, a little less the second, let’s it fade into habit by the third or forth. It isn’t until Mika presses the tips of his hair to his lips that Nazuna reacts _–jumps_ , even. He turns to say something, his mouth wider open than Mika’s ever seen it. And Mika decides it’s a good look for him, one he regrets not seeing enough of.  
  “Do-don’t...” He trails his words into the ground, turning his back to Mika so they have less chance to reach him. “...Do... Weird s-stuff like that.”  
  Mika's smile becomes an overdose, testing the waters of what counts as weird and what’s been accepted between their unit as normal. Between himself and his mentor, he has a hard time deciding who’s the real oddity.  
  
  Mika takes to holding Nazuna’s hand for a good while, just for the sake of doing so. If Nazuna had a complaint, it remained solely with himself, and though he never really holds Mika’s hand in return, he grows rather comfortable with the warmth he gives off.  
  “Oh, I know. I’ll be your princess!”  
  “Pr... Princess?”  
  Laughs are quiet, and easily missed. Despite the pace Mika’s brain starts firing, much akin to the fastest setting on a treadmill, tying needles through thread may have taught him a thing or two about subtlety.  
  He gently pushes a candy to his lips. “I like seein’ my big bro smile.” He doesn’t press further than that, content with his own smile to fill the quota for the both of them.  
  “I’m just sayin’,” That he can’t stand the silence, that he has to fill up dead air with something, “Take care’a me, okay?”  
  Cause he’s not so scary, like them other guys. And Nazuna’s not so gentle, he doesn’t think. It’s good to know, no matter how many flips you fall down and out the fifth story window, someone’s bound to be there to catch you. In that case, _take care_ holds a stronger meaning than Nazuna really considers in the moment, but he almost says _“Okay,”_ anyway. Almost.  
  
  There was never a destination in mind, Mika’s not much good with plans like that. He had been right about one thing, at least, that the air outside was refreshing. Though, Nazuna may have been twice as uncomfortable in the open, the scent of life outside made him feel a little more real, himself. Everything in the world was breathing in tune with him, and when Mika dragged him down onto the grass a part of himself wanted to laugh aloud like a child would.  
  Nazuna is always looking a little off, somewhere in patches of grass Mika can’t see. Mika rolls over a bit, unfulfilled, watching the clouds slowly swim across the clear blue skies. They weren’t supposed to be clear, he thinks.  
  “Hey, doesn’ that one kinda look like a rabbit?”  
  He hums in response, reticent as ever but it comes off a bit more in favor of agreement. At first, it may have been rather difficult to distinguish an “mmhmm,” from an “mmnmm,” sometimes the meaning still gets muddled in poor tone. It’s still a nice sound, like when you can only catch the tail end of your favorite song on the radio. How happy you are just to hear even the smallest hint of it driving down the dim lit road, at a hundred miles per hour.  
  “Oh, that one.”  
  Nazuna point up, the only thing that gets Mika’s attention when Nazuna’s voice is too low for even a moth to pick up on.  
  “Huh? Which ‘un?”  
  Mika leans over Nazuna's shoulder, more distracted tracing his arm up to his finger tips than following to where he was actually pointing.  
  “Kinda looks like..." Nazuna leans his head over, just barely resting against Mika’s. "One of those stupid monsters in those movies your always showing.”  
  He paints beauty with his face, with the sky, with the less busted pieces of a soul. It takes the utmost restraint to keep Mika from muddling Shuu’s masterpiece.  
  
  Mika fails, only a little bit, when he takes Nazuna’s hand to his lips. There’s a sharp pain beating against Mika’s stomach, as if with a single swift movement all the eyes in the world had become stuck on him. He stays still, frozen, rather.  
  “I really love you,” And he’ll say it, again and again. Without warning, the words will slip away from his throat like an afterthought, and sometimes they feel all the less sincere the next morning.  
  “Is that so?”  
  
  
  The bottom of the ocean is pitch black, and they’re both weirdly thankful for that fact. Nazuna likes the light of anglerfish and Mika likes their faces. Kissing is easier without sight lending to second guesses.  
  Mika presses against Nazuna’s neck, dazed with thoughts such as, “You’re really beautiful, Nazuna... I...” and other such words that caress better than fingertips. Not that Mika’s bad with his hands, that glide across the wall with a finesse ill-suited for his rough looks. His words slip out, a little too casually no matter who he speaks with, and Nazuna frets about it a bit much despite not saying a word about it.  
  He laughs, the air scratching about his overprotective ‘brother’s neck. Mika wonders himself, when exactly he thought of Nazuna like a big brother, like it was just some hunch he had about him. Rather, he wonders what makes “big bro,” more comfortable, more friendly than just a senior. At times, he thinks he can feel something in the air when he’s with Nazuna, things that always end up unspoken and untouched no matter how much time passes. Mika never learned how to deal with difficult things like that, or even how to deal with people in general. And his little senior is no better.  
  Girls are a little more loud, he thinks. A little more open to saying meaningless things about each other. He never really learned how to mediate the bad things, but he did pick up on how to mend the tears back together. Someday, he’ll regret not mastering that skill, but it’s a matter of personal ignorance and vendetta, then.  
  Nazuna’s a little less intimidating than the most harsh spoken girl, but Mika has trouble admitting it’s his own fault for that. But two, ten, twenty or so years from this day, he hopes a bit selfishly he can hear Nazuna’s quiet, reserved voice again. See? That's the problem with men. They're never saying what they mean, always trying to skirt around difficult things. So Mika smiles, even when he's not smiling, and Nazuna is undeniably no better.  
  Always drifting, never swimming. "I really love ya, bro." With the flash of a smile, the light at the tip of the fish's jaw, Nazuna feels himself all but consumed.  
  
  
  “Y’missed a spot.”  
  Mika says, dragging up the longest strand of Nazuna’s hair. The smell is oddly comforting for coming off so detached. Hair is softer than grass, he thinks. He doesn’t have to leave with a rash, he thinks.  
  Nazuna laughs, gentle like an ocean breeze. And perhaps a little to defensively of his own work says, “It’s intentional!”  
  Mika’s smile is bright, but distant. Every encounter since that day has felt too foreign for the both of them, a little too spicy and a little too sweet. “Clouds’re pretty t’day,” Mika says.  
  They are pretty, Nazuna agrees. He hasn’t seen so many colors in the sky for the longest time, he’s a little too hung up on how pink the clouds are before the sun. He lifts his hand up, just slightly in front of his face, and counts all the shades of the sky before they fade into memory. And perhaps, even this, will only be thought of like a dream, as something that’s never happened before nor ever will again.  
  That’s a satisfying thought, because there’s no other thought that can leave the two letting loose. Sometimes, it feels like the eyes on an idol will never lift, and those rare occasions the camera shuts off leaves Nazuna only the memory of breathing normally.  
  And Mika’s no better, of course. Even now, he’s a little smaller than his height give him the right to be, behind Nazuna as though the kid could ever hope to hide him. He wonders if Mika’s even trying to be intimidating, putting on an act of defending his precious Valkyrie while cowering behind his enemies. Nazuna looks to him, bright eyed, reaching his knuckles against Mika’s hand. For comfort, and goodbyes. In spite of the flustering wind threatening to tear down buildings, he feels warmth building up below his skin.

  
  With delicate hands, Mika loses himself in the sweet-tempered buzz of the sewing needle. He looks a bit careless, leaning his head half down with a slouch. _Up... Down... Up... Down..._ How frustrating, it all is, to keep mending such lovely outfits with ease when he can’t even stitch the wounds he most wants to.  
  Maybe he should have been a surgeon, but the buzzes and beeps of hospital beds aren’t quiet as soothing as the jittering shrieks of the sewing machine.  
  Shuu comes around, late as per usual, with nothing but his precious doll in hand. Mika beams, twirls out of his chair to present his ultimate masterpiece.  
  “Mado~ Mado~ Yer all soak’n’wet! Good thing I just finished a new outfit f’r ya! C’mon, try it!”  
  Lightning strikes dangerously close to the windows, the only light at all, overpowering any streetlamp.  
  “How kind of you, Mika. But I’m very tired, I think it’d be best for Shuu and I to rest.”  
  “Aww, alright. Mentor too? Don’tcha wanna at least eat somethin’? I made-”  
  “That’s alright, Mika. Why, Shuu’s so tired he’s already half asleep!”  
  Mika lightens up a bit, toweling Shuu’s hair with the newly made dress. “Sheesh, mentor, you’re gonna catcha cold if ya keep this up.” Despite Shuu’s patronizing, Mika’s sure to asks breakfast, lunch, and dinner if he’s eating right. Because if Mentor doesn’t eat right, he’ll never recover, will he?  
  Shuu doesn’t say a word, burning holes in Mika’s eyes with his stare. It doesn’t hurt quite so much now, less than a paper cut, really.  
  “S’nice outside. I think I’m gonna stay up a bit longer, so ya best go get some sleep, Mentor.”  
  Without a word, Shuu’s already through the door to his room, quietly closed, dress still balanced atop his skull. The house returns to a comfortable silence, one that’s not quite so silent. Not with the patter of rain destroying the roof, or the boom of thunder crackling at the foot of the street, or the still unnoticed hum of the sewing machine. _Ah, that’s right,_ Mika thinks. _Sewing._  
  Mika takes a half finished piece of fabric, pressing it against his face, to his nose. Embraced with soft, elegant kisses, Mika remembers him. Remembers Valkyrie, when there were smiles. When there were laughs. The kind that weren’t calculated, or well thought out, that are more embarrassing to remember than reenact.  
  Accepting the inevitable is difficult, certainly. Even learning to mend the tears now, he thinks, there’s not enough time left. Not when Mentor and that traitor will leave him regardless in just a few months.  
  “Ah... I’m late.”  
  Getting up, returning to the machine he slides the fabric through. He wanted Nazuna to see, just how much he’s improved. To know, this year, his gift would be a work all of his own. _What a joke,_ he thinks, that he could make anything even close to worth giving Nazuna.  
  With the grace of the needle, Mika starts to clear the fog from his mind. Even the rain’s let up a bit, only taking the lights with it once or twice along the way. With each passing late night, Mika finds he’s come to accept just a bit more that Nazuna’s truly gone, without any ill intent at all. Rather, that he’s sewn the last seam of his very first love. _No,_ first and second love. Nazuna and Valkyrie, both, have come and passed him by.  
  That there was a second love, a second dress, he thinks there must be a third love. And a forth love. Maybe even a fifth, or sixth love waiting for him, somewhere. He shuts off the machine, without any thought to it at all, cleaning his face of casual tears with his sleeve. _Yeah, tha’s right._ Without fail, this storm will come to pass as well, and Valkyrie will surely be at the top again, before his big brothers can miss it.  
  Thunder roars out the window, sounding much akin to an earthquake, dragging on a full minute before calming. In a closet, he locks away the gift, hanging up the love on his sleeve with it. He yawns, falls against the door. Valkyrie, more than a unit of inept childish boys, was a group of stubborn kids.  
  There’s nothing stopping Mika, from living under Nazuna and joining Ra*bit’s over Shuu. And there’s really nothing stopping him, from forgiving Nazuna from leaving at all. Nothing but a stubborn tinge in his heart, forcing himself to play a fool.  
  He smiles, closing his eyes. A third love. A fourth love. He dreams about such silly things beneath the rain. It feels warm, there, despite the frigid metal of the door. Hopes Mentor feels warm, tonight. Doesn’t remember Nazuna’s name, to keep off the doorsteps of tragedy. But somewhere, deep into REM sleep in a place he’ll never forget, he sees Nazuna smiling in that outfit he sewed all by his lonesome. Sees all the stitches and mistakes between them, but Nazuna couldn’t care less had he noticed at all.  
  And Mika will never know how fast his heart beats, beside unfulfilled dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> So, as it turns out Mika has mentioned a horror movie. He didn't strike me as the type to be a zombie guy, but this is coming from me the guy who said Mika probably would have a crush on Pyramid Head so who am I to judge.  
> I admit, I'm not one to take EnStars seriously. Actually, my entire escapade of only searching about enstars without any context at all has really made me laugh more than I care to admit. I can’t begin with some of the things I’ve found without any context and thinking, “What’s wrong with this game?” Honestly...  
> I guess I’ve gotten a bit more serious, tho, reading entire events over just googling a character and making absurd jokes about them based of what I find. Those were good times, but I enjoy the stories a lot. There’s something very... Simple about it all.  
> I loved Nazuna since the first day I read his wiki. It was a really personal connection, Nazuna is uncomfortably close to me that I actually kind of didn’t like him. But it’s a good dislike. I like to say Nazuna “stole my brand,” and he did! 
> 
> Oh, and about the dog named hewie... If you haven’t played Haunting Grounds, don’t.


End file.
